Jurassic World and Everything Wrong With It Review

July 1, 2015

You have to think, “They can't make the same mistakes again, right?”
“They must have found new ways to keep us entertained, right?”
“After all the people they’ve lost, they wouldn’t do something as stupid as mixing two of the most dangerous dinosaurs they’ve ever had, Right?”

Well, my fellow Nerds, You’d be stone wrong.

 

This will not be a review filled with love and admiration of the newest entry into the Jurassic Park Franchise. Quite the opposite.


I had hopes. With Chris “Starlord” Pratt as the lead, Id hoped for a mix of levity and fear. The kind of emotions elicited by the original. Sadly after the first trailer, I knew I was being set up for disappointment.  


The predictable plot left me bored and disinterested. Was anyone actually surprised the genetically modified dino was a Rex/Raptor hybrid? I wasn’t. It was exactly what I knew was coming. A great surprise would have been, I don’t know, A Rex/Dilophosaurus hybrid. That would have been cool. Rivers of paralytic tar with the size of the Rex. But nope, we were left with the easiest choice. Disappointing writers. Youre better than that.
Im only going to touch on this subject briefly as it angers me with its stupidity. The now famous, Pratt being the Raptors “Alpha”, and treating them like a pack of dogs… No. Sorry. In the original, these were monsters. Dangerous animals that fed on people. Sure they were, “clever girls”, but imprinting on a person and turning on their own species? No. Concerning the guy that FELL into the raptor pit… We strap people to light poles when they climb, to bridges when they walk up. We’re not going to strap the guy to the rail standing over a pit of MEAT EATING MONSTERS??? Bad writing.
The pods… Guys, feel me on this one, One of the previous JP m
ovies had folks in a jeep travelling alongside a herd of dinos… Anyone remember how that went? It was crushed. So little plexiglass globes, being controlled by CHILDREN, is a good idea? Its this kind of absurdity that sent me running.

As I don’t want to spoil too much of the film for the 3 people left who havnt seen it, I'll refrain from giving you the ending. There were one or two nods to the original that were tongue in check and entertaining, but not enough to have made this a worthy sequel to the legend that was Jurassic Park.

On the Plus,
There was more physically created dinosaur effects than I anticipated. I was expecting total CGI. The fact that there were a few animatronic creations made me happy.


All in all, Id give the movie a 4/10 rating on the “Nerdbot-o-meter” and that’s generous for the couple bits of nostalgia and Starlord. But if you havnt seen it in theater, don’t. Wait till BluRay comes out. Im sure itll look fancy.

 

~Brad “The Resident Redneck” Chichester

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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