I love Pokemon. I love the weird, memorable, and cute characters. I love the RPG elements. Heck, I even love some of the dumber ideas because, hey, it’s fun. Here are the Pokemon that have designs or stories or abilities that even a fan like me can’t pretend to defend.
CHANDELURE: Look, I get that some people must love this Pokemon and, hey, Lampert is kind of cute. But Chandelure? There’s nothing cool, fun, or intimidating about a ghost chandelier. I know these possessed objects come from a Japanese cultural idea, but… No. There are good ways to do this (Honedge, anyone?), and then there’s a ghost hanging lights for above your ghost dining table.
GOTHITELLE: Is Gothitelle even a Pokemon? It starts out as Gothita, evolves into Gothorita, and then into Gothitelle. But it could easily just be a goth girl who grows up and starts going to fetish balls in a ridiculous dress. Yeah, I’ll pass. This is probably the worst of the human-looking Pokemon, edging out the creepy Mr. Mime. I’ve never met a person alive who uses this on their team, either. So, yeah…
SUNKERN: The design might not be that awful for poor Sunkern. Sunkern’s evolution, Sunflora, has kind of a simple look that I approve of. Sunkern, though, has a major downfall that is unforgivable in a game about battling pocket monster: It has the lowest base stats of any Pokemon.
KLINK/KLANG/KLINKANG: Klink is a set of gears that evolves into more sets of gears. These gears also have a weird x-shaped eye thing going on, so it not only looks dumb but it also looks like someone beat it up before you even caught or evolved it. Pass.
VANILLUXE: I can give the pre-evolutions for Vanilluxe a pass because, while they are literally just floating ice cream, they have some weird charm. They feel like someone had to come up with one more Pokemon evolution line and was absolutely out of ideas, so they just drew what they were eating. That’s kind of silly in a fun way. But Vanilluxe? It’s a creepy, two-headed ice cream cone – yes, one cone, with two heads, not a sundae – and it’s also smoking. Smoking! For shame, Vanilluxe.
TRUBBISH: Trubbish is the dumbest of the pollution Pokemon first evolutions, beating out the perfectly acceptable designs of Grimer and Koffing. It’s a bag of trash. That’s basically it. There are way better poison types and way better designs. Trubbish feels like a rejected idea for a Bump in the Night episode. (NOTE: Please find and watch some Bump in the Night episodes. Creepy claymation is where it’s at.)
PLUSLE/MINUN: Every Pokemon game gets new and exciting Pikachu rip-offs. There are a whole series of electric type mice, each cuter than the last. This pair, though, is the laziest of the bunch. The designs remind of a Ditto pretending to do be a Pikachu, but somehow more boring. They also aren’t particularly fun or useful in battles.
KLEFKI: It’s just a ring of keys. Klefki is a fairly silly design but I can almost let it slide if it were a possessed set of keys, kind of like how Drifloon is a creepy, ghost balloon. Klefki is not, however, a ghost type. It’s a steel and fairy type. How? What could nature possibly be doing to force something to look like the pile of mismatched keys in your aunt’s empty candy bowl by the front door? Ugh.
UNOWN: While Unown is an important aspect of the Gold/Silver/Crystal storyline, you have to admit it’s kind of… stupid. It’s a Pokemon that’s actually 28 Pokemon making up an alphabet. Oh, and two punctuation marks. Imagine you’re the poor Unown that just hatches into a punctuation. The best part of these useless letters? They have one move and one move only: hidden power. That’s… a choice by the game designers that’s certainly… a choice.
Delibird: It’s a Santa Clause bird. It doesn’t evolve into anything cooler. It can’t learn any amazing moves that better Pokemon can’t learn. Nope, it’s just a Santa Clause bird. Maybe that sack it has is full of rare candies or ultra balls or… No. It’s just a Santa Clause bird. It does have a signature moved called present, though, so… That’s a thing that the Santa Clause bird does. I guess pack your team with this, a few Stantlers, and a Chingling if you really love poorly thought out Christmas themed Pokemon teams for battling.
Yeah, Delibird is the worst Pokemon ever.